“Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted.” -Sylvia Plath
In the gift of recent days I have been trying to become, as the lovely words above say, more acutely aware of my nows.
My tiny moments of being, which when strung together create the larger scope of life.
Little pinpricks on a large page, slowly creating mass and shape as they accumulate.
Good, bad, somewhere in between, Life is about theses pinpricks right now. I wish to embrace them all.
I’ve ceased to worry about the page. Whether or not it’s blank or scribbled. White or colored. How crinkled or creased it may be. How large of a space I have to fill.
My page isn’t anything like I ever thought it would be anyways. I’ve decided I don’t need to know what it looks like, I will figure it out as I go along.
But these tiny pinpricks. Those I can sink into, watch the ink flow.
The crisp scent of the rain falling outside. I’m about to go run. It will likely be chilly, wet, and cleanly invigorating. It will make my bones both warm and cold.
The flight of ideas fluttering through my mind. There is an exquisite beauty in simply observing a process that begins upstairs and allowing oneself to unravel it’s soft, gnarled yarn into words, a picture, a poem. Something tangible.
The anticipation of dinner tonight with a friend. A quiet respite of good conversation and warm food promised after the promise of a long, full day at work.
Come to think of it, even the act of a long day at work. The energy put forth which I must gather, harness, and let flow. The way my mind organizes and responds to the challenges of day. The knotted tension that exists in my shoulders when life gets busy. The silky fur of Dog as he sits in my lap or lays close by, keeping vigilant watch over what he is convinced is his herd.
I don’t want to miss them.
They create the pages of my days, and there is magic and meaning in each if one takes the time to see.
Because no matter what my page ends up looking like in the end, as a friend and I discussed earlier this week, You Are Here.
Right here. Right now. In this pinprick. Even if you can’t see the page.
We are here.